


kill the director

by jseos



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Best Friends to Lovers, M/M, Trans Male Character, ftm johnny, non binary taeyong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:14:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25634896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jseos/pseuds/jseos
Summary: taeyong and johnny have been best friends since they were 16.they’ve been in love since they were 16, too.
Relationships: Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 6
Kudos: 39
Collections: Trans NCT Fic Fest





	kill the director

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first ever fic fest and i’m so excited! i hope you enjoy my angsty best friends to lovers with a happy ending :3

taeyong and johnny have been best friends since they were 16. 

taeyong, pink, fluffy and glittery taeyong - and johnny, tall, all black tongue pierced johnny. 

they don’t look like it, but they’re the perfect match. 

johnny, with his awkwardness and shyness, who is too scared to talk back whenever someone shouts at him in the street - and taeyong, loud and outgoing and with the worst attitude imaginable, always the first to tell anyone who looks at johnny they wrong way exactly where they can shove it. 

johnny comes out to taeyong when he’s 17, and taeyong is so, so quick to adjust pronouns and make sure everyone knows that johnny is a boy and nothing else. a few months later when taeyong comes out as non-binary, johnny is right there to remind him that he’s still his best friend and he’s still wonderful.

taeyong and johnny have been best friends since they were 16.

they’ve been in love since they were 16, too.

i.

it's taeyong's 18th birthday. it’s taeyong’s 18th birthday and he is so, so fucking drunk that he feels a little bit like he’s not real, his eyeliner definitely smudged as he stumbles his way to the kitchen island to sit beside johnny.

johnny who is just as fucked up, but somehow faring a little better than taeyong, who currently can’t even see.

when taeyong plops himself on the stool beside johnny he nearly falls off, and it takes johnny grabbing his arm to stop him from eating shit and hitting the floor. 

“yongie,” johnny sighs, “your makeup is running. lemme fix it.”

he tries to protest but johnny is already licking his thumbs and wiping some of the smudged liner around his eyes. their faces are inches apart like this and up close taeyong can see the small barely there freckles on johnny’s face, the way he sticks his tongue out in concentration, the tiny scar from his failed nose piercing - and taeyong doesn’t really think when he leans forward and kisses him. 

johnny kisses back.

it feels soft, and tastes like cheap vodka but taeyong smells like cherries and johnny has the softest lips, and they keep leaning forward and deepening the kiss and then -

and then taeyong falls off the stool.

ii.

it’s the morning after taeyong’s 18th birthday, and he’s hiding under his blankets in the hopes that the hangover might disappear if he cocoons himself in enough blankets to hide him from the outside world. 

it works until he hears voices outside his door. 

when he opens the door he sees poor johnny being interrogated by his mother, and he looks terrified.

taeyong groans. “why is everyone shouting?” (no one is shouting.)

johnny mumbles another quick apology to taeyongs mother and rushes up the stairs and into taeyongs bedroom.

he looks just as hungover as taeyong does, maybe a little bit more composed - but then again, johnny didn’t spend three hours vomiting into the plant pots outside ten’s house. (who was kind enough to lend his house as a party venue and not tell anyone about the underage kids drinking there)

johnny sits himself on the edge of taeyong's bed, his legs crossed and his hoodie swamping him. “you look like shit.” he laughs.

taeyong just grumbles from under his blankets.

“i’m so embarrassed about last night, i don't even want to  _ think _ about it.”

johnny never wants to forget about it, the way taeyong kissed him and held his face like he was fucking precious.

“don’t be, you were fine!” johnny says, because honestly, he was.

“no i wasn't! i behaved so badly, johnny! i never wanna think about it again!”

“taeyong, you-”

“please forget about it all! it never happened, okay?”

johnny thinks that maybe taeyong has already forgotten about it all, and he thinks maybe he should bring up the kiss, ask him if it was real or not, if he meant it - but against his better judgement he laughs and says “okay, yongie, it never happened.”

there’s a second of peaceful silence, before donghyuck kicks taeyong’s door open and yells “yongie got his stomach pumped, yongie got his stomach pumped!!!!’

taeyong throws a shoe at him and tells him to fuck off. 

iii.

both taeyong and johnny are in college now, johnny majoring in photography and taeyong majoring in fashion design. they share their student accommodation, and just like they’ve always been, they’re inseparable.

  
  


taeyong has a boyfriend now. his name is baekhyun and he’s funny, sweet and smart. johnny likes him and he thinks that johnny is cool – and johnny is thankful that baekhyun being in taeyong’s life hasn’t forced them apart.

they hang out at their local skate park sometimes - where johnny makes heart eyes at one jeong jaehyun, certified pretty boy and skater. johnny ignores taeyong and baekhyun when they try and get him to actually talk to jaehyun. they make eye contact sometimes, and johnny is sure someone like jaehyun would never like someone like him. 

taeyong models for johnny’s assignments, and johnny brings taeyong food whenever he’s buried in fabrics and papers for so long that he forgets to eat.

johnny and mark are outside their campus, mark bickering with yuta over some plans for their gig next month while johnny tries to sketch ideas. 

johnny gets kind of jealous when he watches mark and yuta. they’re both so in love and it’s wonderful but also disgusting, and johnny wishes he could have that. but the only person he likes is completely out of reach.

johnny watches mark smile at yuta when he leaves to run to the bathroom, and he’s so fucking happy for mark being with someone that makes him smile like that, but he’s also so, so fucking jealous.

“so,” mark sighs, “when are you gonna admit it?”

“admit what?”

“johnny,” mark says sternly, and johnny knows what he’s talking about, but he really doesn’t want to acknowledge it.

“when are you going to admit you’re in love with your best friend?”

“never, mark. because telling taeyong i love him would involve actually coming to terms with the fact that i’m in love with him, and i really don’t want to.”

mark sighs at him. 

“as long as you think you’re making the right choice, dude.”

johnny isn’t sure that he is, but he still replies with “i am mark, don’t worry.”

“i know that taeyong wants you to come to the party tomorrow - and i heard one jeong jaehyun is gonna be there!”

johnny's breath hitches.

“and?”

“and, i think you should go for him! go talk to him, see if you like him - it’s not that hard.”

“but it is, mark.” johnny sighs. “you know i can't just… talk to people. i can’t just walk up to someone and start a conversation, people are fucking terrifying mark.”

“i know, but maybe he’s worth a shot?”

“i’ll think about it.” johnny grumbles, knowing full well that he won’t.

iv.

they arrive at the college frat party on their campus, and even though johnny doesn’t want to go, taeyong is ever the party animal and johnny could never say no to him, and mark is still dead set on setting him up with jaehyun. so here he sits, watching taeyeong and baekhyun mingle with other people at the party while he listens to mark and yuta beside him arguing about whether or not a hotdog is technically a sandwich. 

(mark stands his ground when he insists that it’s a sandwich, and from what johnny gather yuta loves him too much to get aggressive, but he truly thinks that mark is a fucking idiot in this moment.)

he vaguely registers mark asking him “johnny, we need you to weigh in here!”, and he tears his attention away from taeyong to focus on mark and yuta bickering. “it’s not a sandwich, mark.” he says, and beside him yuta and mark erupt into yells of equal victory and defeat. 

when he turns his head away from his idiot, bickering friends, taeyong and baekhyun are gone. he sees the tail end of taeyongs mini skirt fluttering as he walks outside, and suddenly johnny feels incredibly nervous and vulnerable. yuta and mark are right beside him, but he still feels incredibly alone now without taeyong in his sight, like his comfort blanket has disappeared. he feels a little stupid for being so reliant on taeyong, but he also knows he can’t really help it whenever he and taeyong have been glued together since they were teenagers. 

  
  


normally he’s comfortable and happy to blend into taeyong’s background, normally he’s happy to blend in while taeyong is the center of attention and the life of the party. 

but tonight he just doesn’t feel like it.

it’s as if mark senses his uneasiness from beside him, and he gives johnny a nudge and whispers “hey, you okay?” and all johnny can really mumble in response is “tired, gonna go home.” before he stands up and heads outside. 

johnny leans against the wall outside the frat house and takes a deep breath, willing his brain to calm the fuck down and stop overthinking. he stays there for a second and lets the autumn air cling to his skin. 

“i guess parties aren’t your thing either?”

johnny jumps out of his fucking skin.

“holy shit, when the fuck did you even get back here?” he says, and then he looks up.

jeong fucking jaehyun is talking to him. holy shit. 

he watches as jaeyhun chuckles at him and gives him a small smile. 

“i think you missed me while you were watching two dudes chug soda through their noses?”

johnny snorts.

“yeah… the people at this party aren’t really ‘friends’ of mine.” he says. “except taeyong, really. he’s my best friend.”

“just your friend?”

“yeah. we’ve been friends since we were teenagers.” johnny sighs. “besides taeyong would probably die if i ever liked him.”

“why?”

“because it’s me.”

“and what’s so bad about you?”

johnny eyes jaehyun curiously. 

“earlier... you said ‘either’. so you don’t like parties too?”

“not at all.”

“then why come?”

“i heard a pretty boy would be here.”

the music is low enough to faintly hear crickets. 

johnny vaguely recalls taeyong telling him that he heard from jungwoo who heard from doyoung that jaehyun was going to the party purely because he heard johnny would be there. 

“so did you find him?” johnny asks, his voice quiet and shaky while he fidgets with the rings on his fingers.

“more like he found me.”

and then the door swings open, a stressed baekhyun bursting out onto the patio. 

“johnny, oh my god” he gasps, “please get back inside before poor taeyong bursts a blood vessel looking for you!”

“okay, be right in.” johnny sighs

jaehyun gives him a look.

“you sure he’s just a friend?”

“of course,” johnny laughs, and under his breath he mumbles “thats all i ever am” before he goes inside.

inside he finds everyone in a circle, and taeyong pats the spot beside him excitedly. johnny doesn’t really  _ want _ to play spin the bottle, but taeyong’s smile is positively heart melting and he couldn’t say no to it if he tried, so he resigns and sits himself next to taeyong on the floor.

johnny watches donghyuck spin the bottle first, and when it lands on renjun he’s more than happy to crawl into the others lap to kiss them. 

he thinks they go on for a bit too long, because he hears baekhyun clear his throat to separate them.

“so who’s next?”

“i’ll go!” jaehyun says, and johnny pretends he doesn’t stare down jaehyun’s shirt when it falls as he grabs the bottle. 

and when the bottle lands on him, johnny pretends he isn’t screaming inside. 

jaehyun places his hands on either side of johnny’s crossed legs and leans in and suddenly they’re kissing, and johnny doesn’t really know what to do. jaehyun is cupping his face and johnny moves a hand to grip the back of his neck. 

they pull apart at baekhyun clearing his throat again, and johnny notices taeyong has a weird look on his face. he can’t figure out why, so he chooses to ignore it. 

“i’m gonna go outside,” taeyong breathes, “i’ll be back.”

“you sure you don’t want me to go with you?” baekhyun asks, and he’s so fucking sweet and so in love with taeyong that it makes johnny want to die. 

“i’m fine.” taeyong says, and then he’s gone. 

but baekhyun gives johnny a look that says ‘go after him’, so johnny does.

“where are you going?”

“i just need a second alone, johnny.”

“i don’t want you out this late alone though, yong.”

taeyong groans like he’s annoyed, and johnny starts to panic. he’s never felt like a burden or an annoyance to taeyong, never felt like his awkwardness or clinginess has caused a problem. did he just fuck that up?

“i’m sorry.” johnny breathes “it’s okay, i’ll leave-”

“it’s not you, johnny. it’s jaehyun.”

“what? why?”

taeyong turns around. johnny can see his brain running a million miles a minute. 

he grabs taeyong’s hand and laces their fingers. taeyong wont look at him.

“i don’t know if i like his vibe.”

johnny thinks he’s lying. just yesterday taeyong was begging johnny to man up and ask jaehyun out, and he’s never had a problem with him before at the skate park - so why now? but johnny won’t say anything, doesn’t want taeyong to stay upset with him, so he nods and squeezes taeyong’s hand.

“okay. i’ll be careful, yongie. promise.”

taeyong sighs

“maybe i’m just having a crisis about my best friend wanting to spend his time with some new guy that can kiss super good instead of spending every moment with me.”

johnny laughs a little.

“okay yeah, jaehyun is a super good kisser, but that doesn’t mean i’m spending any less time with you.”

taeyong doesn’t look convinced.

“i bet baekhyun is a really good kisser, but you don’t spend any less time with me. so what’s different?”

“you’re right,” taeyong sighs, “i guess i’m just worried. i’m protective over you, johnny” he says with a pout, and johnny wants to explode.

“wanna go home?”

“baek would kill me for leaving.”

“he’ll get over it.”

so taeyong texts baekhyun that johnny is helping him home and they start walking.

they dont let go of each others hands.

v

taeyong and baekhyun are watching johnny skate, jaehyun keeping a firm grip on johnny’s waist so that he doesn’t fall. 

jaehyun teaches him some simple tricks and after an hour of stress, johnny is able to successfully grind down a railing. 

taeyong cheers for him from the picnic bench, shouting a loud “johnny that was so cool!!!” while baekhyun claps for him and then goes back to talking about mark’s gig. 

johnny has been spending a lot of time with jaehyun lately. sometimes at the skate park messing with their boards, and sometimes in the bathrooms messing with each other. sometimes they both show up to watch mark and his band rehearse, but they end up leaving to go makeout behind marks garage.

“you’re getting so good, johnny!” 

“i’ve got a good teacher i guess!” johnny laughs, and he pretends he doesn’t see taeyong make a face whenever jaehyun comes up behind him and hugs him.

“are you going to marks gig in a few weeks?” jaehyun asks johnny, while they’re taking a break from skating and laying in a pile in the grass.

“of course, he’d kill me if i missed it.”

jaehyun hums. “you two going?” he nods in the direction of taeyong and baekhyun, who both nod. 

johnny kind of zones out, barely listening to jaehyun and baekhyun talk about outfits and taeyong yell at baekhyun for making fun of his pink demonia boots. 

vi.

it’s only been a month of johnny and jaehyun being ‘official’, whatever that means. he isn’t sure if he’s entirely happy dating jaehyun. jaehyun is nice, and patient with him, and he treats him so so well - why isn’t he happy? should he stop dating him?

but he doesnt want to stop dating him, honestly. he doesn't want to stop making out in the back of jaehyuns car and sneaking into abandoned places to get drunk. he doesn’t want to stop the warm feeling he gets in his stomach when jaehyun waits for him outside his lectures. 

and things have been getting… tense with taeyong. he spends more time with baekhyun than he did before, and the sweet boyfriend of taeyong’s that loved johnny is now avoiding him and always bitter with him, and johnny doesn’t know why. him and taeyong haven’t spent as much time together despite living together, and johnny hates it.

he feels bad for mark, who has had to deal with him constantly questioning everything and worrying about taeyong. mark is the closest thing to a best friend that he has besides taeyong. 

maybe he’s just not trying?

johnny thinks he should try harder.

vii. 

johnny hasn’t been trying hard enough, he thinks, when jaehyun stops him outside his class on a friday afternoon and asks to talk. 

“johnny, when are you going to be honest with me?”

“i am honest with you-”

“no, you’re not.” jaehyun sighs, “it’s really obvious, you know.”

“what’s obvious?”   
that you’re in love with him.

johnny feels his throat tighten. he doesn’t want to cry, but he can’t help it.

“jaehyun i’m sorry, i-”

jaehyun shushes him.

“it’s fine, john. i’m not mad. i don’t want you to stay in a relationship with me if you don’t want it.”

johnny sniffles and nods. “i’m sorry.”

jaehyun pulls him into a hug and holds him there, and johnny thinks he’s going to miss the way he fits into jaehyuns arms. “don’t be sorry. just look after yourself, okay?”

viii

taeyong comforts johnny for the entire night, letting him cry into his pink sanrio pillows while taeyong pets johnny’s hair until they both fall asleep and then wake up at 2pm the next day.

marks gig is tonight. 

johnny doesn’t want to go. but he has to, for mark. 

he hears baekhyun come through the front door of their apartment, and taeyong goes to meet him at the door. 

he can hear hushed whispers outside the door.

“no, yong, i know he’s upset, but you can’t babysit him like this-”

“i’m not babysitting him! his boyfriend just dumped him! i want to be there for him.”

johnny hears baekhyun scoff. 

“you can be there for him, thats fine! but you need to stop being the one responsible for his happiness. he’s too attached to you!”

taeyong is about to argue back, but johnny has his shoes and jacket on and he opens the door and rushes past them both.

“johnny, wait-”

“i’ll see you at the gig tonight, yongie.” johnny mumbles, and he leaves without saying anything else.

he knows that baekhyun is right. taeyong is his biggest comfort, the person he relies on for everything - and maybe he shouldn’t be. 

taeyong has his own life, his own problems, and johnny thinks he’s getting in the way of it all.

but he chooses to ignore it for now. he goes straight to marks house and asks mark to help him figure out what to wear to the gig tonight.

ix.

so far, marks gig is going well. johnny sees jaehyun and they both hug, and jaehyun asks him how he’s doing. he says he’s okay. jaehyun knows he’s lying. 

while johnny and jaehyun talk about how truly, honestly fucked up johnny’s love life is, jaehyun starts laughing.

“hey!” johnny says, slapping jaehyun's arm. “whats so funny!?”

“nothing, john,” jaehyun laughs, “it’s just - your entire life sounds like a romcom movie.”

he’s right. it kinda does. 

“well then can we kill the director? i don't like how this movie is turning out.” he grumbles, and then he and jaehyun are giggling.

mark is due to play at 9pm, and at 8pm is when most of their friend group shows up. johnny sees taeyong and baekhyun but doesn't make eye contact, and he stays pretty much glued to jaehyun's side and asks him and doyoung to make sure johnny doesn’t make a fool of himself.

oh, doyoung. johnny didn’t know him and jaehyun were having a ‘thing’, so he’s surprised. but he’s happy for jaehyun, can see that jaehyun is happier just flirting with doyoung than he ever was while dating johnny.

most of the next hour is kind of a blur, everyone gathering in a group and introducing each other, all of their separate friend groups mingling together while they drink and mess around waiting for mark and his band to start. mark joins them for a while, and everything seems fine.

and johnny tries not to think about taeyong, but he looks so fucking cute - over there in his oversized milk sweater and ripped jeans and mismatching boots (one pink demonia and one black, so fuck you baekhyun, johnny thinks).

but then johnny hears some kind of commotion outside his circle, and when he looks, taeyong and baekhyun are fighting. he can’t hear what they’re saying, but he knows they’re yelling at each other and he watches as baekhyun storms out and taeyong follows him.

“hey, follow them.” mark whispers in his ear. “that didn't look good.”

“it’s not my business.” johnny says.

mark sighs. “it is. that dumbass has been in love with you for years and you’ve been in love with him for just as long, and i’m done watching you both tiptoe around it. now go.”

“i can’t, mark! taeyong is my best friend! it’d be weird.”

“no johnny, i’m your best friend. get it now?”

and johnny kinda does. he calls taeyong his best friend because yeah, they're stuck together like glue and they love each other so, so much - but mark is his best friend, really, and taeyong is the one he’s in love with.

“go talk to him, johnny.”

so johnny does.

he only hears the tail end of their argument, but it’s something that he wasn’t expecting to hear at all, ever. 

“no, taeyong - i’m not going to listen to you until you just admit that you’re in love with your best fucking friend!”

and then baekhyun is gone.

taeyong doesn’t notice johnny behind him until he speaks up.

“yong… is that true?” he asks.

taeyong whips around, and he’s crying a little, amd johnny wants nothing more than to wipe his tears away and kiss him till he’s better.

“just leave it johnny, i-”

“no, taeyong. just tell me, is that true? you’re in love with me?”

it only akes taeyong a few seconds to answer, but to johnny it feels like hours.

“yes.”

“taeyong.”

taeyong won’t look at him.

“taeyong.”

still nothing.

“taeyong, look at me.”

he does. he’s still crying.

“i’m in love with you too, dumbass.” johnny says and then they’re kissing - both of them crumbling with the relief of finally being able to admit it. theyre in love with each other.

“how long?” taeyong asks.

“forever i think, but your birthday was when it hit.”

“my birthday…? what did i-” and then taeyong remembers, remembers everything that his alcohol dumb brain had blocked out. he kissed johnny. and he forgot. and johnny remembered it all these years.

taeyong laughs. 

“i think i loved you before then. i think thats why i kissed you.”

“we’re both idiots, aren’t we?” johnny says, and both him and taeyong giggle.

“taeyongie,” johnny starts, linking his fingers with taeyong’s, “wanna be my boyfriend?”

taeyong laughs. “only took you four years to ask.”

“shut up.” johnny says, and then they kiss again. 

they can both hear mark playing in the venue behind them. of all the fucking songs that mark could make his shitty ass band play, he plays this one. johnny and taeyong burst into a fit of giggles as soon as they hear mark sing  _ “i’ve met someone who makes me feel sea sick,”  _ and neither of them should find it as funny as they should. 

“we’re missing marks gig, lets go.” johnny says, and drags taeyong by the hand back into the crowd.

and everything is fine.

theyre dancing to their best friend mark singing his heart out, they’re laughing at jaehyun trying to give doyoung a piggy back, both of them slap donghyuck when he asks if they’re finally gonna fuck. 

they’re having fun, they’re happy, and everything is fine.

johnny thinks that maybe the director can live. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
